First, I was created through no will of my own. Second, I am being sustained somehow, also through no decision of my own. Lastly, given that the first two are sufficiently verifiable, it is not enough to surmise that I have merely purpose in this life, for that would only reduce my identity to performance, even if living in purpose drives value for myself and others.

The profound and bold statement made, through the creation and sustainment of me, is simply that I matter. I am not appreciating or depreciating in value based on time, behavior, gender, race, or sexuality. Ever so poetically with all the intention of the universe, I matter to the Creator. Therefore my identity must become more than a label, indeed it is a practice that honors the will of that cosmic decision by learning how to matter to myself as well.

Relationships are funny, awkward, painful, desirable, and – I know that we are hardwired for connection and yet I can’t help but feel anxious about my connections with others. I’m confident there’s a childhood neglect or trauma angle to this. Learning about and taking responsbility for my attachment style is difficult. To be honest, I want my friends to have an intuition about my needs and then to be completely devoted to me and only me. (Don’t judge me. I’m going for radical honestly here!) Somewhere in my psyche is this belief that if that happens I’ll automatically become more secure in my relationships. It turns out that’s not the case. I do want community of depth characterized by moments of shared play, sorrow, love, and belonging. I’d love to have a Cinderella romance, marry one day soon, and have children. I’m getting old now, so I don’t know what version of community and romance are ahead of me. Some days are harder than others, but I choose hope and unconditional happiness in the face of uncertain outcomes and certain transitions. As Olivia Benson from Law & Order SVU once said, “The only things that change are the things that have to.”

It will be no surprise to you that I basically came out of the womb totally committed to theater, music, and dance. I’m grateful to have been raised on the sounds of Marvin, Michael, Prince, and Diana. Even Barbara Streisand makes a strong appearance in my early childhood. (Honestly, she never goes away and thank God!). One of the first times I actually listened to a lyric over and over again, because I was so moved by it’s meaning, was Barbara’s performance of People from the first act of Broadway’s Funny Girl. The line that rings in my head and that I sometimes sing to myself as I’m walking around the streets of Brooklyn goes like, “People … people who need people … are the luckiest people in the world.” The song goes on to say that hunger and thirst are combatted when we first learn to need and love one another. We are all just people looking for love which I believe will bring about the justice we all need to see. I think the world would start to heal itself faster if we all did a lot more singing, playing, and dancing together.